The Truth

I’m not sure why but a lot of people seem to be completely obsessed with the truth.

Strange, because in my limited experience...very few people want to hear the truth. What most people want to hear is their own opinion parroted back to them by a sympathetic person who doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.

Or perhaps that’s just me.

I have come to believe that there really is no such thing as "the truth." There is only a perception of reality that changes based on your proximity to actual events.

And the fact is...It doesn’t really matter...Don’t you already know what you consider to the be the truth?

Anyway, since I’ve completely given up on anything resembling the truth and I’m also heartily sick of those darn surveys... (admit it...you get bored, you fill them out too...we’ve all done it) I’ve decided that I am going to fill out a survey just one last time, post it on here and be done with it.

No more surveys for me.

Honest.

Anyway, in the spirit of "THE TRUTH" I will now post the following "truthful" information about myself:

Name: Magistra Regina Lepidoptera J. Weston I
Age: 42
DOB: July 14, 1965
Address: 131313 St. Valentine’s BLVD, Cote d’Ivoire, Africa
Marital Status: Married (3 husbands, one who cleans, one who does the accounting and one who acts as my personal guard)
Children: 3 (a ten-year-old female, Anser L.J. Weston and one-year-old twin boys E.A.P. Weston and R.W. Weston)
Phone Number: 1 (603) 382-5633
Number of Close Personal Friends: None, friends are a liability
Number of Lovers: See answer to previous question
Occupation: Saltminer, Pirate, Bellydancer
Favorite Food: Deviled eggs and SPAM
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Green
Height: 5’6"
Weight: 258 lbs.
Distinguishing features: Limp from leg which has been broken twice. Scar on the left shoulder from a freak harpoon-gun accident
Favorite Quote: "Kill the scurvy swabs and throw them over the side to the sharks!"
Favorite television show: Martha Stewart Living
Favorite celebrity: Callista Flockhart
Favorite book: The DaVinci Code
Favorite song: "Stacy’s Mom Has Got it Goin’ On"
Favorite car: 1987 Volkswagen Rabbit
Favorite animal: Black Tarantula
Fears: Never conquering the known universe and bathing
Last text message received: "Count your remaining breaths Queenie...Tonight you will die!" -Shiruken the Great
Have you ever: (check the box if you’ve done any of the following)

[] Kissed in the rain
[] Danced
[] Sung a little song
[x] Killed a hitchhiker just because you could
[x] Raided a small carribean country while on shore leave with your underlings
[x] Gotten an enemy drunk and had a skull and crossbones tattooed on their butt with your name under it
[x] Laughed maniacally until you coughed something out of your nose
[] Been anyone’s favorite
[x] Made someone cry
[] Made someone happy

Do you like: (check all of the boxes that apply to you)

[] Puppies
[] Kittens
[]Rainbows
[]Love
[x]Torturing your enemies (and sometimes your friends) until they beg you for mercy
[x]Wearing boots with spike heels
[]Mercy
[]Kindness
[x]The smell of carnage in the morning


Well, there you have it. Everything you truly need to know about me in survey form.

High fives for never filling out another survey again!!


Now don’t you feel "enlightened" by the truth?