Shopping for a Superhero

As I write this missive, I am sitting by the side of the road desperately hoping a superhero will show up to rescue me... I'm pretty tired of rescuing myself.

I left Manchester a few hours ago, and on my drive home I got a little... well, sidetracked.

You see, there were these rednecks... And it just goes down hill from there. Suffice to say, I did manage to kick ass, but all I have to show for it is a few bruises, some road rash on my butt, and a car with 3 flat tires.

The rednecks look worse.

Still, while I'm waiting I thought I'd share a few thoughts with you on one of my favorite topics... Oh yeah, that's right... Superheroes.

While I was down at Double Midnight I scored some kick ass comics... 5 issues of Buffy, a bunch of Punisher and Wolverine team-up issues, 2 volumes of The Essential X-Men, one of The Essential Silver Surfer, and naturally, The Essential Amazing Spiderman, Vol 8. Also, I got a totally sweet comic called Death Ship, and I'm pretty much in love with the art. YAY!!

I'm the happiest little geek girl on the planet... Except for the road rash. I surely don't relish the thought of taking an SOS pad to my butt in order to get the gravel out of it. Ouch. That's going to sting, and it's hard to do, even with a mirror.

Yes, friends. I am a geek. I like comic books, games, and sports.

I never have been, and never will be, cool. I accepted this fact long ago.

I'm okay with it. You see, as far as I'm concerned... Life is all about my own personal amusement. To that end, I started thinking about all my most favorite superheroes.

I will list some of them below for your reading pleasure (if you are a fellow geek) and/or for your personal edification (if you are too cool to be geek).

1. Wolverine--- He's small, he's hairy, he's filled with the need to kick major ass pretty much 24/7. I have been seriously in love with him since I was ... oh, 13 years old. Dark and murky past, big claws, sarcastic sense of humor... What's not to love? Now don't get me wrong... I loved the X-Men movies, and Hugh Jackman is obviously a pleasure to look at... But let's face it, he's not really Wolverine... Close, but no cigar (heh heh---never mind, if you haven't read the comics, you won't get it). Wolverine doesn't wax his chest. Just sayin'.

2. Spider-Man---Number one: Basically, he can fly. Number Two: He is the funniest superhero EVER. Number three: He's always worried about important stuff, like paying his rent... Which makes him not only seriously funny and a badass, but also much more realistic than most superheroes. Also, being smaller than most of the others, he has to make up in attitude what he lacks in stature. If I ever grow up, I want to be like him... Only female of course.

3. Captain America--- I mean, come on... He's patriotic, he's strong, he's silent, he always has a plan, and he never gives up. He's nice to children and little old ladies. How is it possible NOT to love this guy? Yeah, yeah, I hear you grumbling that it's all a bunch of governmental propaganda... Blah, blah, blah. I still love him. Deal with it.

4. Batman---Dark, brooding, AND most importantly, super smart... And just look at that car. Admit it ladies, gotta love the bad boy with the sweet car. If I can admit it, so can you. It's Darwinian.

5. The Thing--- Again with the funny... I know, I know. But seriously, whenever I read anything he's in that's well written... I laugh out loud. Also, he's made of rock, but he's a major sweetie. Plus, he kicks the shit out of bad guys. Love it.

6. Beast--- He's blue, he's fuzzy, he's a complete smartass, and he has several doctoral degrees. Do I really need to say more? Well, just in case, let me say it again... He's BLUE, he's FUZZY, he's FUNNY, and he's SMART. He's basically the perfect man. LOL

7. The Silver Surfer--- Ever seen him? He basically looks like the Oscar statuette... Only silver. And he's got this whole "inner sadness/self sacrifice for the benefit of the world" thing going on. Just imagine a cross between Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Rodin's The Thinker and you've got it. He's deep, yet he kicks ass mercilessly. Oh, and he's pretty much naked all the time. Gotta love that.

Hmm... Reading back over this list... I'm sure I've managed to somehow reveal inner workings about myself that probably shouldn't be shared with others... Oh well. Life sucks, get a helmet.



Oops... Well, I think a couple of these rednecks are starting to come around... I better make sure the ropes are tight enough.

Sadly, I don't think any superheroes will be coming to my rescue.

Dammit.

Why do I never get the chance to be a damsel in distress? When I ask for help, men usually just laugh and say, "Yeah, right, do it yourself."

*sigh*

It's tough to be a super hero.

Peace, out.