The Biography of the Pirate Queen

Excuse me, have we met?

Oh, I guess not... but your face did look a little familiar just then... Huh, that's weird.

Well, since we don't know each other, please let me introduce myself.

My name is Virginia, but since I like your face, you can call me Verge. Not Virg. VERGE...as in, "I'm on the Verge of doing something really f'in' crazy."

Let's see... What do you want to know?

Oh... Well, there really isn't that much to tell, but I'll give it my best shot.

I work in a Saltmine, and I try to make life bearable for the inmates.

I'm constantly battling ninjas, usually in the forms of standardized testing and people with no senses of humor or proportion.

Essentially, most of my life consists of doing these two things:

1. Telling stories
2. Picking up after people's messes, both literally and figuratively.

Since I work in a Saltmine I tend to be dirty, covered in germs, and exhausted.

I subsist most of the time on Redbull and hope.

I rollerblade in the dark, drive fast on dirt roads in the middle of nowhere at all hours of the night, and watch the sun come up from unlikely spots.

I like to pretend that superheroes could be real... I think I may have met one once.

I try to do my best, work hard, and I hope I'll make a difference in your life, now that we've met.

I laugh a lot.

I laugh as loud as I can.

I refuse to "grow up" or "take things seriously."

I think in haiku, and I meditate during long meetings.

I amuse myself by wearing name tags that say "Lola," "Bubbles," and "Trixie."

I'm always searching for the truth behind the lies that we all (myself included) seem to spout so easily.

I often refuse to sleep, because I don't want to miss anything good... or bad.

I hate milk.

I love cheesecake and white chocolate, and I watch football and basketball so I can yell at the screen.

If you come over here, I'll tell you a story... It's about some ninjas and a duck in White's Park.

I'll make you laugh if at all possible, sometimes at the most inappropriate imagery you'll ever hear. I used to have a sense of propriety, but I gave it up for Lent.

I'm not Catholic.

I was broken badly a few times, and I fixed myself... But I'm still not 100%.

I'm still hoping for a hero... but I'm losing my faith.

If you tell me what you need, I'll help.

If you smile when you see me, it'll make my day, and I'll do just about anything for you.

If you mess with me, I'll mess right back, but don't worry, I don't hit... Unless you're a redneck who picks on people weaker than you.

If possible, I'll save you... Or better yet, I'll help you save yourself.


Well, I guess that's all you need to know about me... See what I mean? I'm not all that interesting... I'm pretty much just like everyone else, but I keep hoping that someday I'll be as awesome as you are.

It's been nice talking with you... I hope you'll remember me when I'm gone, 'cause I could sail off into the sunset any day. And you never can tell when sharks, ninjas, or a bus with no brakes could strike.

Party like a rock star.



Just sayin'.

Namaste.