"It's My Way or the Highway"

"Check, check, check...check out my melody..."

Yeah, after a brief hiatus (very brief indeed) I am back.

Mostly because I realized after a few days... I miss my random diatribes. Life just seems somehow...blah without them.

So anyway, here goes another day in the life of the Superheroine, Grammarian Pirate Queen you all know, love and yet somehow...still fear. (And good for you, I might add).

Today I was thinking...as you know, in my case, this often leads to mayhem/random acts of insanity/shopping cart racing, etc. Still... like all my other ideas, it seemed pretty good at the time.

As usual, it resulted in a random drive.

Again, as per usual...something interesting happened.

I ended up in the bustling metropolis of Concord, NH...you know, where culture, good taste and skunks go to die.

While I was there I visited that most Holy of all Holy Places... Where Americans worship on a regular basis... Where teenagers go to bow down before the Gods... Where old people go to gape in awe while doing laps... Where upper-middle class stay at home moms take their children in order to experience "Religion"...

Yes.

I went...

To the Steeplegate Mall. (Cue the harps and the celestial choir)

I was deeply moved as I gazed in awe and reverence through enormous plate glass windows at things I cannot afford...

And I even paid my tithe... 10% of my annual income along with the promise of my firstborn child to the Credit God of JC Penney in order to purchase a pair of black jeans and two shirts.

Ahh... it was indeed a moving religious experience.

It felt oh so right.

JUSTIFIED.

And then it happened... (as you all knew that it would)

I saw...

HIM.

Yes. It was the mercenary who followed me home from Southeastern Asia and stalked me for years, claiming to be my husband.

There I was, innocently paying homage to the gods when he appeared before me.

And of course, he walked IN the OUT door.

How ironically fitting.

What surprised me a little was that at first, he completely failed to recognize me. Actually, I was more than surprised... and then I caught a look at myself in the automatic door glass and figured it out.

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago.

Not in any real way... I’m like... a birch tree... even my pale white skin is different.

I smiled and kept on walking.

I could see his reflection in the door as I walked through.

PRICELESS.

And this line from a certain song ran through my head...

"Just one
More fight about your leadership
And I
Will straight up leave your sh-t
And you’ll be the one who’s left
Missing me..."

Perhaps I should not take such joy in such a small thing... but I have to say, after everything that mercenary put me through...

Meh.

I’m just sayin’.