Skaters, Rollerbladers and Why Dick's Sucks

No, that's not a typo in the title in case you were wondering...

I spent all day looking for new wheels...and I finally found them. Thanks in large part to some skaters I met unexpectedly.

See... I thought that finding guitar strings would be the hardest thing I had to do this week... I was oh-so-wrong. I got those no problem...

It was getting new wheels for my rollerblades that was the problem.

It took 12 hours. And the only reason I even have them is because I learned to do a kickflip on top of a picnic table.

Yup.

No, I'm not kidding.

So there I was... In Dick's Sporting Goods... The guy there swore to me that rollerblades were a thing of the past, saying, "No one uses in-line skates anymore...So we don't bother carrying them... Or wheels for them."

I very nearly punched him. (Ironically enough, as I had driven into the parking lot, I had passed three people roller blading on Loudon Rd).

What a dick.

So instead, I caved and purchased a skateboard.

I figured..."Why not? What have I got to lose? I've got a deathwish and lots of extra padding on my body still... It's an idea whose time has come."

So I went to Merrimack Valley High School to practice with my sweet new hardware...

I sucked to a phenomenal level. I sucked so hard in fact, that a group of about 6 teenage skaters who had been strolling by the high school stopped and stood watching me, mouths gaping open. One of them said to the others, "Holy s---, it's an old chick with a board!"

That was about all they could say. They couldn't even laugh at me they were so struck with wonderment...

One of them accidentally swallowed a bug.

He barely noticed.

However, even having a dumb-struck teenage audience could not quelch my spirit. I was determined that I would NOT surrender to the forces of Judgement, Pride or Embarassment.

I WOULD NOT.

So I perservered.

After about 20 minutes of watching me, one of the skaters dropped his board, got on it and cruised toward me at warp speed, stopping abruptly just as I was sure he was going to knock me over and put me out of my misery.

Oddly enough, he instead decided to take pity on me. "You're doing that wrong." He began and proceeded to demonstrate the finer points of some simple manuvering.

As this was going on, unnoticed by me, the local PD had arrived.

Apparently, skating is VERBOTEN at Merrimack Valley... Un-freaking-believeable... I mean seriously, what kind of Saltmine bans skating on school grounds? ...Oh wait... uhh... nevermind.

Anyway, as the officer walked toward us, fully prepared to send us all off on our merry way (I mean, vandalizing buildings, smoking pot and terrorizing old ladies are behaviors far preferable in our nation's youth, than *gasp* SKATEBOARDING...)

Before he could even open his mouth to get started, I turned politely to the officer and said in my sweetest, most law-abiding voice...

"Hello Officer! My name is Virginia ______, I'm a Saltminer at _____ and I just brought a few of my honor students with me down to Penacook to attend the game over at Rolfe Park this afternoon... Since we're early and I wanted to keep these hoodlums out of trouble, I decided to let them teach me some skateboarding tricks... I promise I'll keep an eye on them and we'll only be here for a few hours..."

The officer was completely non-plussed. He had no idea what to say, so instead he tipped his hat to me, nodded and said, "Well, okay little lady, you just keep these boys in line. Have a good afternoon."

Then he got back in his car and cruised out of the lot.

The six "hoodlums" stared at me in awe and wonder.

I thought at any moment they might start chanting my name like some prayer to a pagan goddess of war or something.

But they got over it as soon as I fell on my butt when my board went out from under me.

Anyway, we skated for a few hours (with no more trouble from the PD, I might add)...and they taught me the picnic table trick.

Sweet.

Don't worry...no picnic tables were damaged... I promised no vandalism.

Anyway, as the sky began to grow dark, one of the six said, "Hey, I'm gonna go get something, I'll be right back..."

15 minutes later he returned with a set of almost brand new roller blades... Good ones too.

I think he might have stolen them from his sister... but they were the exact right size, so I asked no questions.

About 30 minutes later, we parted ways.

So except for that guy at Dick's... It was a pretty sweet day.

I'm just sayin'.