FYI...The Rules According to AOL and the Pirate Queen

Okay, here it is for those of you who are interested...The rules of AIM.

Why?

Because Instant Messenger programs are the devil...and unfortunately, I am the devil's bitch.

Seriously.

So, here are the rules of AIM for those who are interested...

Rule 1. Have 3 screen names (Warning: As this will inevitably ensure that you NEVER remember any of your passwords, please make sure you check the little box when you log in the first time that says you want AIM to remember your password...otherwise the entire exercise is null and void right from the start...and as anyone with any sense knows, it is a very bad idea to assign the same password to three different accounts).

You do this for several reasons and with a plan in place before you even begin...

a) The first name you pick will be your "Common Name," (that's what I call it anyway) the one you give absolutely everyone who asks you. Of course, you only go on this name every once in a while, otherwise you will be inundated with messages all the time from people you can't remember and don't really want to talk to anyway. Make the name something simple that pretty much anyone will recognize as you. Generally, you should set this name as "AWAY" most of the time so you can screen your conversations. You may ask, "Wait, if you're never on it, and are always AWAY when you are... Why even have it? Simple, you have it for two reasons...one is that it is a simple name you can give anyone to prove that you are not a technophobe who is stuck in 1993 and two is that it is a testing ground for new people you talk with, so you can determine if you really want to dedicate the time to talking to them at all...if you find that they are interesting and you enjoy talking to them, you will ultimately give them your second name, your "INCOGNEATO Name" (I used to just refer to it as an Incogneto name, but then I began reading Incogneato's Blog and thought it was both an amusing and clever rendition of the same word...Thanks girl).

b) The second name you pick will be vague, with no connection to you whatsoever...or at least none that you will ever reveal to anyone. This will be the aforementioned "INCOGNEATO Name." You will give this name only to a handful of very select individuals who you particularly enjoy talking to. Usually when you are signed in, this is the name you are signed in as and unless you actually are AWAY, you will not screen the people who communicate with this name. WARNING: be VERY careful who you give this name to, since if you give it to someone who later manages to irritate you, you may be forced to choose yet another "INCOGNEATO Name" in order to get away from them, and this inevitably results in confusion and possibly hurt feelings on the part of the person(s) you may still like, but no longer wish to talk to.

c) Your third name is your "effable and ineffable secret name" (to steal a line from T.S. Eliot, my favorite poet after E.A. Poe). This is a screen name that you NEVER EVER EVER give to anyone. It is used only on the DL so that you can judge two things...one, if someone you don't wish to talk to on one of your other accounts is on (thus determining if the "coast is clear") or if you are trying to figure out if someone else has blocked you. That is why this name must never be mentioned to ANYONE. Once it's integrity has been compromised you will no longer have any clue if someone is blocking you on the DL.


Rule 2: Profile. Profiling is WRONG. (LOL...yeah, I went there). Here's the thing...especially if you think there will ever come a time when you might want to mess with someone...or might accidentally begin talking to the wrong person... Don't ever put profile information in for any screen name except possibly your "Common Name." This could also save your ass if you message someone from your "INCOGNEATO Name" who you don't want to have it. When/If they respond you can simply say..."Oops, wrong number," or words to that effect. This alone can result in some amusing conversations.

Rule 3: If you do block someone for whom you have two screen names... NEVER make the rookie mistake of blocking only one of their names. And not for the reason(s) you might think. One, it sends mixed messages. Two, it reveals you to be a total poon with no concern for the other person's feelings. Three, it is just not smart. The other person will almost always immediately see what you've done and be hurt by it.

As I've said, this is absurd.

How could anyone be hurt by instant messaging?

I know I never have...

And that's all I have to say about that.

P.S. I realize that there are contingencies that I have failed to mention as well as loopholes...give me a freaking break, okay? I was RANTING!