Humour, Hotness and a Long Absense

Yeah, sorry 'bout that...I've been mentally away for a while. Too much going on around here between Saltmine Central and the noise inside my head... The stress of the end of the year is taking its toll...

And then there's this...

I would like to rant for a few moments (I know how much you love it when I go off on a roaring tangent, so if you like that kind of thing, please enjoy).

You see, as I've mentioned a few times, I've recently gotten all healthy and crap (NOT!)... Actually, I'm just getting progressively smaller and smaller.

The point is, according to a small minority of the population, somehow I've gone from being just me to being some new and improved "hot" me...*snicker snicker*

Anyway, I had an experience which nearly sent me over the edge into screaming insanity last week and after ruminating on it for a few days...

I need to rant.

Here's what happened...

I had arrived at a local pirate hangout to spend some time with PaperGrrl. We have been hanging out at this establishment on a regular basis (trans: 2-3 times per week) for the past 4 years...

Let me just say that one more time...

4 years.

When I arrived PaperGrrl was already there waiting for me. She passed me a carbonated beverage of the Dr. Pepper variety and I settled in to decompress. She then informed me that the owner of the establishment had been asking her about me just before I arrived. Keep in mind, this gentleman has seen/spoken to me on a regular basis for FOUR YEARS. He said the following,

"Hey, is your friend single?"

She replied, "Yep." He then said,

"Really? I'm surprised... She's hot! Is she straight?"

Again PaperGrrl replied, "Yes, yes she is." He responded with this,

"What's her name? She seems really nice... smart and funny too."

PaperGrrl agreed with his assessment and told him my first name.

End of conversation.

Okay, fine. I'll be the first to admit, anyone who thinks I'm hot is okay in my book, regardless of whether or not I'm interested, so that was pretty cool.

After that information had a minute to get settled in my consciousness and the appreciative glow of knowing that there is at least one person in the free world who thinks I am "hot" made its way into my schema... I suddenly began to get pissed.

REALLY pissed.

Why?

I'll tell you why.

You see, as I say... I have been coming to this establishment for FOUR YEARS.

This was a very enlightening experience for me. I have always known that living in this time and place, that appearance is important to people.

Fair enough.

However, I always believed that it wasn't the ONLY thing that was important.

Sadly however, I was wrong.

Appearance is indeed the ONLY thing that is important. I could be the biggest, meanest, cruelest BI-CH in the free world...but as long as I look good, that's all that matters... How disappointing for me. You see,

I have always been "funny" (at least, I think so...but I'm a sarcastic wench, so what do I know?). I have pretty much always been "nice" also...(Quiet Shaggy, I can hear you laughing out there somewhere). Also, I am actually pretty darn smart too.

But clearly, these qualities mean absolutely nothing. All that matters about me is the way I fill out a pair of low rise jeans and a tight sweater.

Boy, it's good to know that I've wasted my entire life getting educated, developing self-esteem, and living life to its fullest, when all I really had to do was starve myself in order for members of the opposite sex to express interest in me.

DAMN YOU COLLEGE!!

I spent all that money, yet all I really had to do was force myself to barf on a daily basis...

Dang. If only someone had told me that when I was an impressionable young girl.

*sigh*

Alright, fine...for those of you who are sarcasm-challenged, I'm just kidding. I'm not starving myself.

But I am annoyed. It's good to know that people currently find me attractive... But I do wonder... Was I worthless before?

And this has made me appreciate all the more those people who knew me before and thought I was pretty great BEFORE I lost weight.

*deep breath*

I'm okay now.

I'm just sayin'.