The Furious Ninja Horde and a Resounding Defeat... Or is it?

When we reached the end of the back hallway into the College Board headquarters, all was silence.

I knew that I was totally within my rights to be terrified.

Carlos only knew how many of Shiruken's men lurked above with malice in their hearts and cold steel in their hands.

Thus, even though my teeny tiny heart quaked just a bit, I "nutted up" and took point at the head of my small band. I thought that I heard one sailor growl in his throat while another let escape a small sigh of relief. I could totally relate to both of them.

I put my hand on the knob, and began to turn it slowly.

The bolt gave way in a perfection of silence, and pulled the door slowly toward me, keeping my free hand on my drawn sword.

And as you probably expected... That was when 18 new kinds of hell broke loose.

The second the door was fully opened, and alarm began to blare with a voice like Rush Limbaugh after a 6 day bender... Which is to say, loudly, and at great length... With more than just a hint of a sneer thrown in.

I refused to let this slow me. I looked across what felt like an acre of vestibule... or do I mean lobby?

It was deserted.

Well, of course, by deserted, what I mean is that the floor itself held no ninjas.

Nah.

Instead, the ninjas were approaching by means of 5 different stairways, and several glass elevators.

My little band was, for all intents and purposes, completely surrounded by a black-clad, slipper-wearin', steel star-throwin', cousin-lovin', ninjas.

My tiny crew froze for only an instant before shots began to ring out from behind me, tossing back some of the first wave that had only begun to set foot to the shiny shiny floor.

It was no good. Though we fought mercilessly, we were doomed from the start.

My vorpal blade went 'snicker-snack' through the fruminous horde, slaying many times the number of ninjas I could possibly count on two, or even four hands, if I had them.

It still wasn't enough.

Cosgrove took a star in the shoulder of his sword arm, and it stuck out like a badly placed piercing. Grrrl went down with a handful of gunpowder still in her hand like a fistful of magic dust. The bodies of our enemies made a small hill before us...

And then I felt the blow to the back of my head. I just barely had time to think,

"WTF... AGAIN? SERIOUSLY? This is COMPLETE BULLSHIT!" When spots began to appear everywhere in the room, and my vision shrank from its usual catlike acuity to a mere pinprick.

The final thing I saw as I slumped, gasping, to the marble floor was the crinkled eyes, dimple, and huge grin on the face of Mr. Congeniality as he stood over me.

And what did that smiling bastard say to me?

"Gotcha, Queenie. Sweet dreams."

Oh shi----