Reality is Overrated

So I was asked to write a short bio of myself for a job that I recently obtained...

I laughed.

I asked if it was okay for me to write about how I got a scar on my left butt cheek from running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

The person who requested the bio gave me a quelling look. She seemed to find my response lacking in seriousness.

Suitably chagrined (in appearance at least, if not in spirit) I said, "Okay, I'll write something appropriate."

I wrote an accurate, if slightly boring, biography of myself in 4 sentences.

It was so dull I almost fell asleep while completing sentence number two.

What is with people's obsession with "reality?"

No one seems to understand that I'm all about imagination... Why this insistence on "keeping it real?"

Here's what I really want to say about my own life...

Aikens is a twenty-eight year old Pirate Queen with a history of debauchery and pillaging that ranges as far afield as Montana. She carries a knife in her boot and a metal ruler in her car. She has been known to climb buildings and torture red necks for fun and profit. Aikens steals from the rich and gives their stuff to the needy (she frequently includes herself in the "needy" section). She once leaped from a moving train while traveling cross-country with MCShank on a mission for mental health (her own) and reads Kurt Vonnegut to maintain her dubious hold on sanity. This Pirate Queen's motto is, "do whatever you want, as long as you can live with the consequences."

What's wrong with that bio? It may not be strictly "true" but anyone reading it will certainly learn a hell of a lot more about me than would someone reading a dry recitation of my actual life and accomplishments...

Reality sucks. FIGHT ENTROPY!!!