My Spiritual Home...Room 106

Yeah, so I would like to point out that school has been officially over for over a week now.

With the exception of Friday and Saturday... I have been in school EVERY DAY.

Why?

Well... part of the time I was getting paid to be here ($375 for 15 hours BABY!) and part of the time I was getting crap done that was supposed to be done by the last day of school (Oopsie...guess I'm a little late with that... I'm such a bad example for the children...).

And today?

I'm finishing up some stuff for an on-line class.

Yeah, notice, I said ONLINE class. Meaning of course... I could be doing it from HOME.

Yet I'm not.

Instead... I'm here.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually not complaining. I think the true fact of the matter is... I like it here.

You see...if I'm at home...although I really love my house, I'm away from everyone. It's very secluded, which is great and all...but slightly depressing. If, on the other hand, I make the hike up to Tilton, there's always the chance that I might see people...

In fact...case in point... Just about an hour ago, someone (The Aviator) noticed me on line, called to find out if I were in town, bought muffins and then stopped in to hang out for a while (and incidentally he fixed the stereo in my room).

You see?

This is why I keep coming here.

Because dammit... I miss you people during the summer... How sick is that?

Clearly I have issues.

...and I'm not much good at not doing anything...

And also, I can not afford real road trips, thanks to the cost of gas.

Have I mentioned that I also have three jobs, yet again, this summer? w00t w00t.

Yet...

I'm still broke...

I don't get it.

Peace out.

And oh yeah, feel free to stop by... I'll open the side door for ya. LOL

A Bedtime Story

Have you ever fallen asleep on a couch?

Yeah, dumb question...of course you have. We all have at some point.

So the real question is, have you ever fallen asleep on a couch and woken up in so much pain that you quite literally had to throw yourself on the floor in order to get off?

Seriously, it was like attempted suicide...only in a very small way...

So on to the bedtime story...

But it's not what you think. This is no pink, happy tale of hopping bunnies and fuzzy puppies... This is a bedtime story with EDGE.

Just warning you...

Okay...here goes nothin'.

Once upon a time there was a person living in a house in the woods. The house was somewhat small, somewhat cozy, and highly secluded.

Mostly, this was a good thing.

Where it went horribly awry was the night of the moth.

I know, I know...you don't believe it... but it's true.

Last night, as I was about to pass out (much earlier than I expected, I might add), I heard a sound of loud bumping against the sliding glass doors of my bedroom. Thinking that Poe probably wanted to come in from off my balcony and curl up on the bed, I set my laptop down on my pillow and crawled out of bed myself to open the door...

That's when I got the biggest shock of my recent life.

There was a moth banging on the window.

I am not exaggerating here people.

IT WAS BANGING.

And it could actually do so, because it had a wingspan of somewhere between four and five inches at its widest point.

I COULD SEE ITS EYES.

It was staring at me.

Of course, I could have just turned off the light, and it might've gone away... unfortunately, I would no longer be able to see it as it attempted to drill a hole through my wall and get in my bedroom to suck my brain out through my nose.

So I went downstairs and slept on the couch.

The end.

To conclude...

My couch FUCKING sucks... Please remind me NEVER to sleep on it again. It's fine for lounging...but sleeping for longer than a 20 min nap?

No thank you.

That is all.

Over and out.

Let Me Tell You a Story...

Hey buddy.

It's been a long time since we traveled this road together...

I missed you.

So come on, cop a squat and listen while I tell you about this one time when I was hanging out in a bar in South Boston with a guy named Jericho.

You see, Jericho was a rabid Irishman.

By which I naturally mean that he had green beer instead of blood in his veins, he had a shamrock tattooed over his heart and no day was complete unless he had a chance to beat the hell out of someone for a imagined insult to his "homeland."

You see, I put "homeland" in quotes because Jericho had never set so much as his pinky toe on the soil of Ireland.

In fact, I think he was from Hoboken.

But that's beside the point.

When I met him, he was drunk... as per usual.

He was also singing... again, as per usual.

I however, was not drunk. Nor did I plan to be.

I had stumbled into the dank and musty tavern intending merely to use the no doubt spotless facilities and then race back out to the GB, when he spotted me in the crowd, jumped off the stage where he'd been leading the other bar patrons in singing a rather raucous tune, and grabbed me by the arm. He insisted that I come up on stage and do a jig with him.

Since I was already jigging from the need to empty my bladder, I figured, 'what could it hurt?'

And I did it.

Thus, an instant bond was forged.

I discovered that Jericho, while incredibly spontaneous and fun, was also most definitely NOT in his right mind... Hell, he wasn't even in his LEFT mind.

Sanity had seen him coming... and made a break for points North.

So that's how I ended up making 300 bucks in tips from the patrons.

Amazing what a good jig will get you in South Boston.

I'd tell you more about the amazing adventures of Jericho and the Pirate Queen...

But then I'd have to kill you.

Until later my friend... I'll see you around.

Peace.

Too Smart for My Own Damn Good

I don't know about you but when I was little my mother used to tell me...

"Be careful what you go looking for...You might find it."

For most of my pirate life, I have found this to be true... Painfully true. Mostly because, in addition to being a kick-ass pirate queen, I am also incredibly goddamn nosey. I mean, the last time I stuck my nose in where it wasn't wanted, I ended up in the back seat of a '65 Buick, suspended from an overhead crane with my arms and legs bound with electrician's tape. I mean, sure... I escaped, but even still...

You think I would've learned my lesson and stopped my never ending quest for information that won't do anything but hurt and upset me... But if you think that... You just don't know who you're dealing with.

I thrive on emotional pain.

It's a gift... and a curse.

Plus, the truth is, my powers of research have left me with a great many sources... (I do teach journalism remember). Basically, if you need to get information on something, I am a pretty good source. If I don't know how to find something out...I know someone else who does know.

I am quite literally too damn smart for my own good.

Now here's where the problem comes in...

I sometimes find myself backed into a corner... I don't necessarily WANT to know things... But I find myself irresistibly attracted to information. Most of the time, this is just harmless fun... but there are other times when it comes back to bite me in the ass.

Do you see how this sort of thing can go horribly, horribly awry?

Then of course, there is the other problem...

People are always telling me things that I don't want to hear. Things for which I have absolutely no answer or response beyond..."Uhh..."

Yet, I am drawn in. And of course, though some people might find it difficult to believe... I can keep a secret. Maybe better than anyone else you know. Yes, I talk...but when it comes down to the important stuff,

Information goes in... but it doesn't come out.

If you've noticed that this posting is more than unusually vague... Make of it what you will. It's been a long FUCKING two weeks.

I have been exhausted.
I have been used.
I have been elated.
I have been appreciated.
I have been blown off.
I have been cheered up.
I have been ignored.
I have been admired.
I have been crushed.

Basically, it's been a freaking emotional rollercoaster...and pardon the language but I have to say,

I'm fucking DONE for the day.

The Ordeal is Over

...And I survived.

At last...new blogs can be posted...

Stay tuned.

Yeah, I Know...

I've been AWOL a long time now. In fact, this is the longest I've gone without writing in over 8 months...I just couldn't help it.

Things around the Saltmine have been crazy and when I don't get home at a ridiculous hour, I simply crash.

There's also the fact that I was avoiding the whole SPEECH thing.

Well, I finally wrote it, for better or for worse. Personally, I'm afraid it's worse. I'm going to be delivering it this afternoon.

I'll let you know how it goes.

For those of you who won't be in attendance... Here it is in case you feel like being totally bored for a while (Yeah, I wanted to make it funny, but thanks to some trouble a few years back, not only did I have to get it approved by the powers that be, but there was also a moratorium on FUNNY).

So here it is...

____________________________________________________________

Students, friends, family members, community members school board members and esteemed faculty, thank you for attending the commencement exercises today for the class of 2008…

Wassup?

Calm down… please.

When I was first approached by the Director of this year’s graduating class, Mr. R, and asked to speak here today, my first feeling was one of humility…closely followed by complete shock...

I wonder if that’s what a doe feels like when staring into headlights…

But honestly…

When I was at last able to summon a coherent thought, I stammered out something profound…something meaningful…it went something like this…

“What were they THINKING?”

Of course, Mr. R kindly told me I could take a while to think about it… But there was nothing to think about. There was no question in my mind. I said yes before the request had barely left his lips...

Naturally…the second thought I had after saying yes was…

“What am I thinking?”

Then I took a few deep breaths, stilled my shaking knees and soon enough my ADD kicked in when something shiny caught my eye…so I was okay for a little while…

Umm…just kidding…sort of.

Now what was my point? Oh yeah…I agreed to speak here today.

Of course, the next step in my quest was to craft what I hoped would be an acceptable, respectful and with any luck at all, entertaining speech…Naturally, I went to that bottomless fountain of useful knowledge…GOOGLE.

Unfortunately, after I got done watching YouTube, playing World of Warcraft, and instant messaging everyone I had ever met, I found that I had nearly lost the will to live… But still, I persevered and dove headfirst in to my research… exhausting the possibilities of several search engines.

The results left me skeptical at best...

What I discovered was that most speakers at commencement exercises spend their time sharing advice and words of wisdom…craftily imparting valuable life lessons and witty stories, attempting to share with their captive audience a glowing picture of what the future may one day be like…

I have to be honest… That sort of thing is not for me.

After all our time spent together, I believe that the time for me to advise you has passed…

So instead, I’d like to share something else, something those other speeches don’t seem to spend enough time on in my opinion…

I’d like to tell you what you’ve taught me.

After all… I think these lovely people who’ve come here to see you deserve to know the truth…Don’t you agree?

And… I’ll tell you why…

Because this day is all about you, class of 2008. You asked me to be here and share this day with you…How could I ever say no?

Saying no was not a viable option.

After all…as you know… *stage whisper*…You’re my favorite.

So…here it is honored guests… the real reason why I could never turn down such a tremendous honor…

The people you see here, wearing those caps and gowns… They may look like just another group of soon to be former students… But really, they are more than just that…

They are heroes.

Seriously.

I know, I know…you think you know what I’m saying here… but there are some things you may not know about these students. Personally, I’ve been privy to this information for about 4 years now…In fact, there are young people in those chairs over there who have had the dubious honor of having me as a teacher for most of their high school careers… Scary thought, isn’t it?

But true.

So here’s what I’ve learned from you class of 2008…

There really are heroes in this world.

Of course, this means you.

For years you’ve struggled against enormous odds, given of yourselves, worked your tails off and continued to show up to school… even when the thought of facing yet another test made you want to curl up in a ball…

You’ve been athletic champions… as Montanna said, your team unity has shown in your performance at the local, state and regional level…

You’ve been in the spotlight…the incredible performance you gave as actors in the musical Little Shop of Horrors will no doubt become the stuff of legend…

You’ve been across the globe…some of you have seen a wider world…and know how small that world really is… Nick, Kathrine, Kristy…”We’ll always have Paris”

You’ve been on television…

You’ve been conducting Transcendentalist meditations…

You’ve been working nights and weekends…

You’ve been pirates of the best kind…Like Robin hood…champions of the under dog

You’ve been trekking off to L. to learn to craft amazing food, build houses, and make films…

You’ve been making our school a better place for everyone else…

Heck, some of you have even been nursing sick plants and performing surgery on trees… (The FFA may have changed the meaning of their acronym…but it still spells “Cult” to me…I don’t care WHAT Colton, Riley, or the Amandas say…

Uhhh…just kidding…don’t stop planting flowers in front of my room please, you do great work)

You’ve been committing yourselves to serve your country…

You’ve been serving your school and your community…I can’t count the number of times the Student Council has come to our rescue as a school, designing clever games and team building activities to enrich our days here… Thank you Robert, Kier…etc.

Many of you have even taken several college courses… While still in our building!

And most of all…you’ve never given up. That’s why you’re here today, proud…and of course…squirming in your seats…wondering if I’ll ever stop so you can get your diploma and make a break for it with your family…

Dang.

I wish I could do all that. Generally, all I do is drink a Red Bull, drive to work, and then pass the buck to you… See? You’re the ones who deserve all the credit and all the reward…

In fact, if I ever grow up… I want to be just like you, class of 2008…

Would that be alright?

And please don’t ever forget this:

Everything I know about real heroes…I’ve learned from you.

So, once again, thank you for allowing me to share this wonderful day with you…and pardon any omissions, offenses or faults on my part… As Puck said in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,”

“If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended,

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear

And this weak and idle theme,

No more yielding but a dream…”

I’ve done my best … And in the end, all I really wanted to do was to honor your request, and hopefully make you laugh a little.

Plus, I wanted you to see yourselves as I see you…

As Heroes.

This world is a better place with you in it. Don’t be afraid… you’ll be great.

Now go out and prove me right.

Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a round of applause for these heroes… The graduating class of 2008.

Thank you.

Friendship and Cookies

Okay, so here's the deal... I don't bake anymore.

I am a Pirate Queen and as such, I am far too busy kicking ninja ass to put on an apron and pre-heat an oven to 350.

However, I used to love to cook.

Sometimes, I even miss it.

And sometimes there are people who I find to be particularly special, who move me.

Then, I work in mysterious ways my wonders to perform.

I've actually baked cookies twice in the past week...

Somebody must be pretty special... That's all I'm sayin'.